This Life Of Mine - .:.Let me be your Shining Star.:.

chaos...blahhh

Monday, August 1

well last night i got busted, i can no longer drive my car because, simply, i am a fuck up.. well thats enough about that, dont comment on it because i do not want to talk about it.

i got my schedual today for school

1. Chemistry
2. Pyschology/Sociology
3. US History

4. Band

1. Geometry

2. English III
3. Painting
4. French I

it blows...

Make a comment Permalink
xoxo || Monday, August 1 8/1/2005 7:04:13 pm (blupot)

boys boys...

Tuesday, July 12

well it's been a while. i'm sitting here with dye on my hair. thinking..thinking..
there are 3 new guys in my life. 2 are possible good friends. one is just brand new. no clue where that may lead. well those 2 guys are great guys. but i'm just not that into them. like they will be great friends. but i couldnt date either of them. they're just not my type. hope thats ok..they're great guys though. i hope they understand.. i'm just nervous about telling them. i dont wanna lead them on or anything. and i have to admit. i love and adore the attention. but it wouldnt be right leading them to believe i was interested in anything more than friendship.but i will talk to each one individually about the situations and hopefully things will go smoothly.

i've been opening up a lot more lately. i'm growing and i love it. i like gay guys now hehe.

well there're this one special guy. he seems like such a sweet and amazing guy. we've never talked one on one, but i deffinately want to. well.. i need to go check my hair..
hope you enjoy this lil update.

ttyl
-=-Jonathan-=-
p.s guard has been sucking lately.. and not in a good way.

pss.. i'm praying my hair looks good when it's done..7min left.. im biting my nails!!! (im going for a darker look..it'll be sexy)

PHOTOS - http://photos.yahoo.com/blupot

Comments (1) Permalink
xoxo || Tuesday, July 12 7/12/2005 3:10:19 pm (blupot)

Fucked Up? yes,very

Friday, June 24

First of all Fuck you Teak and Sara. i fucking hate both of you and i hope your all's lives are as pathetic as the two of you are. you're losers and i dont see why anyone would actually want to be around you. i've only been nice to you because of Matt. well sorry Matt, i'm not faking that shit anymore. they're dead to me now.

and second of all Thank you Noah. you're fucking awesome. i dont think i could thank you enough. if u ever need anything i'm here for you. you dont know how much that meant to me. thank you for being a great friend.

-=-Jonathan-=-

Comments (1) Permalink
xoxo || Friday, June 24 6/24/2005 2:09:28 am (blupot)

new pic

Wednesday, June 22

what do you all think?

Comments (1) Permalink
xoxo || Wednesday, June 22 6/22/2005 12:08:43 am (blupot)

Sad=Me

Monday, June 13

the fucking drag queens came and stole all of my friends.
now i'm here all by myself.
they('Friends') only come over to eat or to pick someone else up.
not to see me.
why would they?
i'm just a loser kid.
a wannabe i guess.
i just wannabe someone else sometimes.
i'm so sad.

i hate.
but i cover it all up with my disturbingly perfect smile!

-=-Jonathan-=-
no, really, i'm....."ok"...

Make a comment Permalink
xoxo || Monday, June 13 6/13/2005 11:44:56 pm (blupot)

a lil poem update

Yours
-Jonathan

i wanted to let you know that i love you.

with words that fly so high above you.
i wanted to show you how i care.
but i turn around and you're not there.
the rain is pouring on empty steets,

like my useless cries and waisted weeps.

reasons i love you are still unclear.
but it never matters when you are here.
all i need is to see your face,
and feel the warmth of your sure embrace.
it leaves me lost and needing more
is that all you really wanted me for?

love me, need me, never let me go

i want you, i love you, thats all u should know.
feeling empty and broken, i cry behind closed doors.
no one else hears me.
i'm yours.
I'm yours.

No, i'm not depressed right now lol...
i spent the day with matt, it was good. good times.
been working recently at the Halls Cinema 7.. for a shitty 5.15 and hour.
anyone have any ideas of a new job for me? i need one that pays better...
i'm goin to the beach the last week o june...with taylor and my papaw and barbara..
we're goin to Destin FL. i hear it's beautiful... cant wait
well i gotta work in the AM so i'll let you go.
-=-Jonathan-=-

Leave the Light On - Beth Hart

I seen myself with a dirty face, 
I cut my luck with a dirty ace 
I leave the light on, 
I leave that light on
I went from zero to minus ten 
I drank your wine then 
I stole your man 
I leave the light on, 
I leave that light on. 

Daddy ain't that bad he just plays rough
I ain't that scarred when I'm covered up 
I leave the light on, I leave that light on
Little girl hiding underneath the bed 
was it something I did 
Must be something I said 
I leave the light on, better leave the light on. 

I wanna love 
I wanna live 
I don't know much about it 
I never did 

17 and I'm all messed up inside 
I cut myself just to feel alive 
I leave the light on, 
I leave that light on 
21 on the run,on the run,on the run,
from myself, from myself and everyone 
I leave the light on, 
Better leave the light on. 

Cause I wanna love 
And I wanna live 
I don't know much about it 
And I never did, 
I don't know what to do, can the damage be undone 
I swore to God that I'd never be what I've become 

Lucky stars and fairy tales 
I'm gonna bathe myself in a wishin' well 
Pretty scars from cigarettes 
I...never will forget, I...never will forget 

I'm still afraid to be alone 
wish that moon would follow me home 
I leave the light on, 
I leave that light on 
I ain't that bad I'm just messed up 
I ain't that sad but I'm sad enough 

Cause I wanna love 
And I wanna live 
I don't know much about it 
And I never did, 
I don't know what to do, can the damage be undone 
I swore to God that I'd never be what I've become 

na na na na na na na na... 
I leave that light, I leave that light, I leave that light on

God bless the child with the dirty face, 

who cuts her luck with a dirty ace 
She leaves the light on, 
I leave that light on

Am I the ONE? -Beth Hart

I sing these words, time and time again
to express my life, of being your lover, and your friend
and as the clouds, cry cry cry cry, high above, shed their tears
i'll embrace you, with love, from all your fear

am i the one, am i the one that you love
am i the one,hheeyy,
am i the one that you think of
am, am i, am i the one..

oh yeh yeh yeh
a passion in your caress, flows from your fingertips
and i pray for the day, that i hear those prescious words pass through your lips
wishin upon the start, from up above..uhh
that soon you'll love at me baby, and say im the one that you love

am i the one, yeh,
am i the one that you love
am i the one, hey hey
am i the one that you think of

dont you make me feel crazy, if i break down and cry
just tell me that you love me baby
even if it is a lie

am, am i
am, am i
am, am i,
am i the one..

Make a comment Permalink
xoxo || Monday, June 13 6/13/2005 2:10:21 am (blupot)

5 days...

Friday, June 10

ok, it's been 5 days since he's been gone. i'm about to break. i miss him so bad. it's pathetic. i just need to be around him. it kills me not seeing him and talking to him. he did call me today though. it made me miss him even more. i'm breaking down without him... :-( I love my matt, and it kills me not being with him.....

"It was as if their sleeping bodies had better sense than their waking minds. "

-=-Jonathan-=-
.:.Because I'm in love with you.:.

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here

And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
Iwon't leave, I can't hide
I cannot be
until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed,
risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want,
but I can't hide

I won't go, I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

Make a comment Permalink
xoxo || Friday, June 10 6/10/2005 1:12:19 am (blupot)

MATT!

Thursday, June 9

I MISS MY MATT!!!!
COME HOME!!!!
I MISS YOU SO BAD!!!!

Make a comment Permalink
xoxo || Thursday, June 9 6/9/2005 1:00:50 am (blupot)

i feel...

Tuesday, May 24

i just feel so unwanted
unloved.
unimportant.
left out.
un needed.
lonely.
i just hurt so bad.
what have i done to deserve this?
why do i have to go through this?
whats wrong with me?

-=-jonathan-

Make a comment Permalink
xoxo || Tuesday, May 24 5/24/2005 11:50:46 pm (blupot)

something new

Monday, May 23

ok i'm gonna try something new. i'm gonna keep ALL of my drama on my blog. this is just gonna be my place to bitch and wine and cry and shit. i'm not gonna bog anyone else down with my stupid problems. i'm fucking 16, what real problems do i have anyways?
so next time u see me, i'll be refreshed and happy. this is my new place to vent instead of using friends. it's part of my plan to make myself more enjoyable. so the plan is to only vent online and keep it off of other people.
so anywyas..

whats scarier? moving on? or knowing he already has?

hm... i just hurt so deap everytime i think about it. but only on the inside. i guess it was a stupid idea in the first place. but my heart is stronger than my brain.

i hope i do something fun today. waiting for someone to call so we can go get drunk or somehting. it's been a long time. but i doubt it... fun stuff just doesnt happen with me. i'm boring. :-\

but i'm changing!! i'll be a band new person come aug.
i'll be hott.
i hope

-=-Jonathan-=-

Make a comment Permalink
xoxo || Monday, May 23 5/23/2005 11:31:59 am (blupot)

<< December 2009 >>
Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat
		01	02	03	04	05
06	07	08	09	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30	31



Message